My script:
Ethan Miller checks into a boarding house seeking quiet, only to discover it is alive, haunted, and consuming its tenants. As horrors escalate, he fights for survival, confronting a relentless house, sinister residents, and the twisted fate of his brother.
Logline is interesting. Have you read No Exit by SARTRE?
thanks… . about the book no I haven’t.
Dear Rissa,
carefully watch the first page to entice the readers into your SP.
ETHAN MILLER (30) drags in a red suitcase. does the job; some of the opening visual descriptions could be tightened. Maybe a snag with the dialogue - He’s asked for a private quiet room then the Landlady warns him about the chaotic neighbours!
All you need from (below is)
GABRIEL
New tenant?
For VOICE (O.S.)
(soft, childlike)
Don’t piss me off. – Maybe " You’ll be next" is a better fit?
You could use Flashbacks to show some of the previous shenanigans as there’s a lot of exposition, also make foreshadow of the end as the final pages are all telling.
ETHAN
Why hasn’t he replied yet…? What’s
wrong with him leaving me on read. – unread??
ETHAN
It’s just nightmares. It’s not real. – you can think of a better line than this!!
ETHAN
Okay… okay. My bad. Just… just a
bad dream.
David smirks.
– A living nightmare surely?!
Certainly you’ve got the guts and flaming gore included. Another pass will edit this up greatly. All best –