Logline:
A conflicted assassin and her heavily pregnant mark seek to survive the night at a vacant textile factory in Johannesburg, helped by the reluctant security guard, before her boss’ henchman can find them and kill them.
The Maternal Assassin_1st Draft_6April25.pdf (127.3 KB)
Hello there, welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your screenplay! I’m looking forward to checking this out soon. 
Dear Nkosana,
keep the opening action lines tight (ideally in no more than 4 line groups) -
This would not translate to onscreen – Mpilo is a loner, has no attachments, she’s spent her whole life having to fight for her place in a man’s world, she’s winning and she knows it.
Is this possible with silencer attached?? – hides the gun in her jacket pocket
Again exposition - so maybe a shout, “I just can’t do this!” for – Mpilo can’t pull the trigger, as if some force is stopping her. She wills herself to do it but she can’t.
P8 I think this needs a tad of foreshadowing -
SIHLE
Why is someone trying to kill me? As there’s been three killers at her door!
Typo out of site? sight
What a great circle of assassin’s life. A twist in the tale!
I’d like Mpilo to fight like a hell cat with her two would-be assassins. The gunplay is a tad predictable but kicking/scraping a chin and/or clawing an eye out ups the pain factor!
In spots of high tension the dialogue should be very sparse (so as not to interrupt the read) Well done –