WAIF
Upon arriving at his family cabin, a suicidal man who has lost everything, encounters a mysterious woman who brings her own twisted family and plans for a night of unspeakable evil that will ignite his innate will to survive.
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Great writing, kept me engaged. My only concern is, why would the character fight back if he wanted to die anyway?
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I wasn’t convinced that the main character was suicidal. I mean, the writer shows us how his son died from cancer and his wife left, but in and of itself, those aren’t reasons for just anyone to want to kill themselves. This is a major issue for the story because the whole premise is based on it. I just didn’t see the arc for him, to go from wanting to kill himself to wanting to fight back and live. He only thinks he wants to die and if that was what the writer was going for then there are no issues but I don’t think that’s the case. Speaking from experience, when you really want to die, your self-preservation button is disabled. You aren’t thinking rationally at all and killing yourself seems like the only valid option. I wasn’t getting that from the main character at all.
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In a horrific situation like in the film, anyone will fight for their life. What’s the point of the back story, I did not understand.
A beautiful screenplay. I’m not a fan of horror but I could get behind so much of its violence precisely because of how well written it is. The symbology is brilliant, the tilted picture frames being a symbol of the family’s current status! Loved it. The scene weaving was also so remarkable, they flowed so naturally between past and present or different locations. Every word felt like the right word, the script conveys the message clearly and gets you hooked on a character without a purpose, forced to FIGHT for his life, with all the life he has left. Congratulations! Thank you for this gift. Rodrigo Carmona
I totally agree with you rfvcarmona. I thought this was a brilliantly crafted screenplay despite the cliched premise of the cabin-in-the-woods-and-the psychopaths-arrive. I was totally immersed in Ben’s story from the opening lines to the end and resented every interruption to my reading of it. I can understand Ben wanting to commit suicide when all the joy has been leached from his life and it requires too much to go on. I
I don’t know how I posted the beginning of my message as I wasn’t quite finished with it! (I am techno/digitally challenged so something I did). To me his reasons for not giving in were clear: it wasn’t inherent in his nature; three psychopaths arrive to brutally try to take away his choice to take his own life from him which would spur me to rage too and then there’s his desire to avenge Marie and find Andrew. Loved this screenplay. This writer can write!
I got the gist of the story. I couldn’t believe that the main character would turn out to be a survivor. This is because, the main character looses his family and future (his son), while here, the waif is feminine character in the horror story resembles that there is an aurora of love which ignites the main character to recount his experiences and that gets him thinking like a husband and a father again and he somehow lost himself into the magic of the horror. Hence, he just couldn’t control reacting to his subsequent situations in the story. Therefore, there’s a slight chance that the writer implies devilish hook on the main character which by cultural knowledge, implores the desire in a person who has lost hope. Therefore, the character deserves a redirection into the Lord’s service. I think that there is a possibility of a sequel.
I also found out that the writer implies bringing authentic life into effect. It was an eye-opener. He wants to convey a message of “compassion” beyond family with friendship which, I feel, that is the main message behind the story.
Notes on The Waif:
I have a solid handful of issues with this script and they’re in different areas. This is going to be critical and I don’t mean to be offensive but I really do not feel an experienced writer made this script as I see many fundamental issues within the piece.
Firstly, there are far too many instances of the script writers telling us what is being thought or understood by the characters instead of showing us that with their actions, this genuinely feels like rudimentary show, don’t tell.
E.g. “Ben takes a drink from his cup. This chick is fuckin’ weird.”
“Looks to the bathroom. The water is running. Ben, expecting himself dead earlier in the evening, doesn’t know what to do with himself.”
Now, that last bit could be said but it needs to be accompanied with actions which convey that as well. What is he doing? Pacing between completed tasks? Constantly checking something in progress? Fidgeting, etc?
And this paragraph when he’s asking why they’re doing she says ““Do you need a reason? Do you deserve it? Did you have it coming? Ask me again, Ben.” // Ben, fading, fights through the tape - // “Why are you doing this?” // The Waif leans forward, lips in his ear. Whispers - // “Because we can” // He stops. Perhaps realizing that the begging turns her on, maybe realizing that he already wants to die…”
I think the villains are talking too much and I don’t think we’re getting to a deeper truth and thematic depth that could be achieved in this moment. It’s very intense and pivotal and it doesn’t mean much because the character inflicting it is explicitly telling us so. “Because we can” isn’t bad for an opening scene of a quick kill but by this beyond halfway point we should have something deeper such as the answer “Revenge” etc. You aren’t stringing the narrative tension along, you’re cutting it off here, and if you introduced a deeper concept like revenge, etc. you would have more questions, more intrigue, people doubting Ben and wondering about the validity of the women’s actions. It instantly complexes the piece changing that single line and I genuinely feel it is the weakest moment of the script, wholeheartedly.
Also some just weird sentences from the authors, not said by any characters, like: “Tim’s phone rings. A pop song too loud and absolutely foreign to the woods. Tim answers it quickly like a good boy.”
Like??? “Like a good boy?” Weird.
The whole “you’re alright” nonconversation that happens is such a waste of page space and thematic potential. Have her say some ominous shit. Have them sit in eerie silence. Any of that is better than “you’re alright” “I’m not” back and forth.
Also, why “The Waif” exactly?
Defined: “a homeless, neglected, or abandoned person, especially a child.”
Horror, especially the most popular of the time, are representative of societal fears. Slasher films, and many horror films generally, are predicated upon a fear of rape, even Alien. Get Out highlighted racial tensions and Hereditary highlighted generational trauma. The horrorific base of this film really begins with and is named after the waif, which really just replace that with “homeless” and we’re just explicitly referencing this woman as “the homeless.” She comes into his home rather unobstructed and is creepy as hell (and in what world is that happening??) and she’s then shortly after cutting his lip with a rusty knife and forcing alcohol down his mouth holding the alcohol and his gagging vomit from bursting out?
Parts like this don’t feel like they’ve been realistically built up to like in Funny Games, The Strangers, Hereditary, The Shining, etc.
Also, there’s so much character fluff, descriptive fluff over stuff we won’t be interacting with again all through the bar convo earlier on. Cut that waaayyyy down and get through it. And the whole text convo needs to be reworked.
Marie’s sudden insistence and shouting then IMMEDIATELY dropping it when she doesn’t get a reply makes no sense, either she has conviction or she doesn’t, pick one, but I don’t think conviction makes sense yet.
If ANYONE took a hammer to the jaw they would be out entirely, have it hit the wall or break her hand imo.
Scene 141 more unnecessary vomit imo.
So much back and forth for nothing in the end, let things be decisive, marie is dead, ben sends the kid off as he dies, waif doesn’t reappear.
And I wonder if this is really what you should be naming the character. Feels pretty dehumanizing from the authors of the script.
It’s one thing to be from the mouths of characters and another to be from the author’s.
Introduce this woman sooner, make her a “wraith” not a waif, and have her disappear in the shower first time he meets her, then she shows up a couple days later or something. She should be introduced to him in like the first 15-20 pages at least.
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